The Big Question
by Iris1
Summary: A romantic, humorous little peek into Mamoru's Chibi-Infested pysche as he prepares to pop the Big Question. You'll never look at Chibi Mamo--chans the same way again. ^-^


  
Konnichi wa minna! ^-^ Chibi Iris-chan ( yes, I go into SD mode   
whenever I post parodies ) reporting for fanfic duty once again with a   
humourous ( stop laughing, I haven't even started the story yet ! )   
little short story.   
  
This is the induced result of too many chocolate chip cookies, two   
pints of Coke ( Diet, if you must know ) , 3 packs of Tic-tacs,   
M&Ms plus a few chunks of frozen pineapple at 1.00 pm at night.   
  
THIS is NOT a serious story though. PARODY ALERT !  
Just thought I'd give you guys a warning first. :P   
  
It's kinda ( WHADYA mean " kinda " ? ) whacked out actually .... a lot  
of slapstick ... just the teensiest bit raunchy ... After writing some  
way too darkish fics, I felt the need to write something light.   
  
Random Voice : Don't you mean brainless ?   
  
Sweatdrop. Minna, IGNORE that voice behind the curtain ... I mean   
screen. Ahem. To continue... The inspiration for this idea came when I   
thought about how there wasn't enough Mamo-chan to go around.   
After all, the more the merrier, ne ? And besides, what could be cuter   
than an adorable little Chibi-Mamoru with an oversized head ? This is   
a very graphic story. ( meaning the story would be funnier if it was   
an anime episode in SD form ) *G* It gets rather messy though, so I  
hope you don't get too confused.  
  
All comments and response are deeply appreciated at   
kanzaki_yukiko@yahoo.com  
  
O-tanoshimi. Iris ^-^  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
THE BIG QUESTION  
  
Rated PG  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
1999, August 3, 8.00 AM   
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
  
This was It.   
  
The Day.   
  
It was such a big event that it deserved to said in capital   
letters. It was the one which he'd planned so meticulously for weeks.   
Okay, days. Fine, last afternoon yesterday. Hey, it was his very first   
attempt right ? ( And hopefully his last one, if things went as   
planned ).   
  
One should give credit to the fact that he'd actually managed   
to whip up such a grand plan in just one afternoon. One major section   
of his brain, the one that had toned down ( in public at least ) ever   
since he'd met his Usako, muttered *Yeah right*   
  
Ignoring Sarcastic's rude comment, Mamoru more-than-happily   
allowed Violent, the other section of his mind, ( who had a BALL when  
he was under Beryl's control ! ) to beat him into whimpering submission   
while good 'ol Common Sense, the normal, most prominent part of him   
that was _usually_ in control, watched the one-sided fight in resigned   
detachment.  
  
Besides, he was sure that things would turn out just fine. He   
was practically _guarenteed_ ( or your money back ) to succeed.   
  
*Go get her Tuxedo-Kamen-sama ! She won't be able to resist  
you* Ego abruptly popped out of nowhere and cheered with two furry   
neon-pink pom-poms, sending a flood of confidence surging through his   
veins. A wolfishly arrogant smirk curled Mamoru's lips suddenly. Heck,  
how many guys in the world had their future kid come back to the past   
and prove they would be married ? Besides, it wasn't as if she didn't   
love him. So there was nothing to be nervous about really.   
  
Nope. Nothing at all.   
  
Now, if only that churning feeling in his stomach would just  
subside .... That was when Nervous suddenly showed up in that oh-so-  
crowded blank of our beloved Mamo-chan's brain, twiddling his adorable  
little thumbs, while watching the other chibi-Mamorus with a worried   
expression in his shifting, can't-make-up-my-mind grey-blue eyes.   
  
*But what if she doesn't .... hmmmhhrrumoohh* his annoying,   
whiny voice was cut off abruptly by a gag that the other Mamorus   
stuffed into his mouth. Violent then promptly thwacked Nervous with his   
patented $ 9.99 Tuxedo Kamen cane, leaving the little chibi-Mamoru   
senseless on the ground with its eyes spiraling. ( Cue Kenshin mode   
swirly eyes @ _ @ ; )   
  
Chiba Mamoru glanced out of the window at the sky.   
  
It was a bright, sunny day, with a cloudless blue sky and birds  
singing sweetly. The perfect day to propose to his one and only love in  
the world. Drama, that part of him who showed up whenever he became  
Tuxedo Mask and said those Hallmarky Haikus, declared ... well,  
dramatically in Notice-Me-Damnit capital letters ( where the heck did   
those trumpets come from anyway ? ) *TODAY IS THE DAY. THE DAY WHICH   
SHALL BE MARKED IN CALENDERS FOR CENTURIES TO COME. THE DAY THAT ALL   
CITIZENS OF CRYSTAL TOKYO WILL RECOGNIZE AS THE DAY THAT THEIR OH-SO-  
HANDSOME-AND-MAJESTIC-AND-CHARMING-AND-FEARLESS KING ENDYM ....  
URMSHURPKKKSH*   
  
Drama's dramatic speech ( the last part of which had been   
written by Ego ) was cut-off midway by Violent and Common Sense, who   
had had ENOUGH of those cliched Hallmark-card speeches. They jumped   
Drama, gagged him firmly, then tied him up and threw him into the   
bottomless er.. bottom of Mamoru's mental well. Mamoru, of course,   
silently ignored all of this. He'd had 24 years of experience to get   
used to all those strange voices in his head after all. ( And you   
wonder about schizophrenia ... )   
  
A hand reached into the bedside drawer and pulled out a small   
blue velvet jewelry box. It was ( ONLY ) the 104th time he'd checked to  
see that it was still there since he'd bought it yesterday afternoon at   
Tiffany and Co. ( Courtesy of the Mysterious-Who-Knows-Where-It-Came-  
From-But-Who-The-Hell-Cares-Anyway Trust Fund.)  
  
Trembling, his fingers reverently lifted the lid. It had taken   
him hours to find it, but when he saw the ring sparkling under the   
glass counter, he'd immediately _known_ that it was _the_ ring.   
  
It was beautiful - a heart-shaped white diamond with the   
slightest hint of rosy pink, like a delicate maiden's blush, surrounded   
by smaller, circular diamonds, set in glimmering gold. Gently he took   
out the ring, letting it rest in the curve of his palm, admiring the   
way the flawless facets of the gem captured the early morning sun's   
rays.   
  
It had eaten ( devoured, actually ) almost all the savings in   
his bank, ( Both Thrify and Common Sense had protested violently,   
before being slapped into submission by Romance and Violent - a lethal   
combination if there ever was one ) but it was worth it if it would win   
him the ( small and slim and ah, so wonderfully soft ) hand of Tsukino   
Usagi.   
  
Ah, Usako.   
  
The sound of her very name was sacred to him, made his heart  
spasm and his pulse race. His moon princess, his bunny, his one and   
only love. She was so beautiful, so sweet, so pure and ...   
innocent ( though she was probably [ what probably ??!! ] going to   
lose that " pure and innocent bit " AFTER their wedding ... That   
dust-collecting, long-neglected part of him, smirked and drooled in   
jibbering, barely concealed anticipation, causing the other   
Chibi-Mamorus to slap the above-mentioned Sex-Drive in disgust )   
and kind and ......   
  
A dreamy Love-sick was going slightly overboard here in one  
of his regular speeches about his blonde angel, but for once, Common  
Sense didn't interrupt. Even the other chibi-Mamorus didn't cut in.   
And Violent had a soft look in his normally fierce amber-speckled   
cobalt blue eyes. Romance smirked smugly. *About time* And thus the   
litany continued ... ( Hey, it doesn't happen that often in the anime  
so bear with me, okay ? ) He didn't deserve her, didn't deserve to have  
a gorgeous angel in his life, but the wonderful and blessed truth was  
that he had her, and that fact was enough to send him into that   
familiar giddy bliss. It had been six years since the first time  
they'd met. Six long, incredible years that seemed like a blissful,  
rose-tinted eternity since he'd fallen helplessly in love with her.   
  
He wanted her to be with him forever, to be officially recog-  
nized by all to be a wedded couple, so that everyone looking would know  
without a doubt that she was his, and he was hers.   
  
( Sarcastic rolled his eyes * Why don't you just label the two of you   
with stickers that say HANDS OFF SOLD AND PAID FOR* )  
  
And he wanted to see her everyday, by his side. He wanted to   
wake up in the morning to see her slim body ( At this point Sex-Drive   
passed out from the gouts of blood splurting from his nose ) sprawled   
across the messy bed-sheets, snoring like thunder, her long blonde hair  
spread haphazardly over the white pillows like golden sunlight.   
  
To have her greet him with her patented Usagi Kumo-Bear Hug   
that would crush his ribs ( *no wonder we want to go into the medical   
business* Sarcastic muttered caustically before getting smacked by   
Romance ) when he came home from work.  
  
To eat the messy curry dinner she would prepare, and later   
groan at the disaster she'd created in his kitchen in order to make it.   
  
He wanted all of it, and more.   
  
( *ESPECIALLY the more part* Sex-Drive grinned lasciviously before   
getting pummeled by Romance for spoiling the mood )   
  
Which was why he had decided to propose to her today.   
  
He suppressed that nervous, hollow feeling in his stomach and   
concentrated instead on the way the ring sparkled in the light. There   
was no reason why he would fail. No reason at all.   
  
*Except for the fact that Usako might just ...*   
  
* SHADDUPP !!! * All the Chibi-Mamorus piled up and crushed  
Self-Doubt, Nervous's twin brother, under a giant, Free-for-All tackle.   
  
Chiba Mamoru groaned.  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
1999, August 3rd, 5.30 PM  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
  
Chiba Mamoru was usually not prone to hysterics.   
  
( Common Sense and Violent usually got to Self-Doubt and   
Nervous in time and tied them up before they could do anything ).   
  
In fact, he was known to his colleagues at work as a cool,   
calm, nothing-can-get-to-me person who would remain unruffled even if   
told that girls in really, really short and incredibly sexy skirts   
( Heh, heh, heh ... Sex-Drive really had a thing for those sailor   
fukus. In a nutshell, kinky. *G* ) had just saved the city from   
complete and utter destruction by terrifying aliens from outer space.   
If they could only see the stoic, marble-cool young man tearing out his   
hair right now searching for matching napkins to complement that   
special table-cloth and lilac-scented ( Hey, you can't REEK of roses   
ALL the time right ? ) candlesticks he'd used for the dinning table,   
they would have discovered a small but well-known fact among guys   
  
------ Scary youmas, strange apparitions, monstrous aliens and even   
watching the Teletubbies show over and over again on TV was NOTHING   
compared to the horrors of preparing for that special evening to   
propose to the girl of your dreams.   
  
( Well, maybe not as scary as watching Teletubbies go " Oh-oh "   
for the 60th millionth time, but Pretty Darn Scary in its own right. )  
  
Note : Coincidentally, if anyone flames the author of this fic for  
bashing the Teletubbies, she would like the reply that you are one  
sick, mentally-stunted puppy who should drink more milk to stimulate  
growth in the cerebum.   
  
( Unless you're a lawyer for the Teletubbies company or something, in   
which case the above was all written by my 16 year old brother.   
*cough cough* . )  
  
He looked at the clock again. Preparing for dinner had   
proved to be more time-consuming than he'd expected. Of course, that  
COULD be because Usagi had completely wiped out all the grocery stocks  
in refrigerator the last time she'd visited. He'd had to run to the   
grocery store thrice for last-minute items, and at five o'clock he'd  
suddenly remembered flowers. After all, what was romance without being  
spelled with a capital R for roses?   
  
( *Inexpensive, that's what* Sarcastic retorted. )  
  
That had resulted in a _long_ walk around Tokyo searching for  
the perfect bouquet of roses to present to his Usako. Finally he'd   
settled for an elegant bouquet of red, white and pink roses which had  
cost him almost all the money in his wallet. It'd been worth it though.   
  
Until he remembered the fact that as Tuxedo Kamen, he had the   
power to conjure up any number of roses. Oh well. There went seventy-  
five bucks down the drain.   
  
( Again cue flashback cameo scene of the Mysterious-Bottomless-Pit  
Trust Fund. *sweatdrop* )   
  
By then Common Sense had shut-down due to the overwhelming   
presence of Romance and his twin, Love-sick, who always left Common   
Sense horribly Confused. Thrify strangled Common Sense later, after   
he'd discovered the grievous money-loss. Luckily ( or unluckily,   
depending on how you saw it ) Common Sense had been too unconscious  
to even feel it.   
  
Still, the roses were absolutely beautiful, ( *almost, Ego   
sniffed haughtily, as good as the ones he conjured* ) the fresh, dewy   
petals brilliant with color, and arranged tastefully in a bunch, tied   
together with shiny white silk ribbon in an elaborate bow.   
  
( Now THAT was something he COULDN'T conjure up. )  
  
By five-thirty he'd made the soya sauce marinade for the   
chicken and was setting the table. Then he'd washed all the expensive  
salad greens that he'd purchased. This dinner was certainly burning a  
hole in his wallet. It would be worth it though, if it would persuade  
his princess to marry him.   
  
( Of course, he might have to sell off his motorcycle to pay  
off the debts, but that's another story for another day. ^_^ )   
  
He then started the prepartion for the _incredibly_   
complicated potatoes Helen. This was supposed to be the most impressive   
dish on the table. The picture in the cookbook showed a mouth-watering,   
golden-brown casserole that persuaded him to attempt cooking it even   
though he'd never tried anyone as complicated as that dish before.   
After all, when in doubt, the best way to win Tsukino Usagi's heart was   
through her stomach.   
  
( All the little Chibi-Mamorus nodded wisely, shaking their   
oversized little potato heads sagely here. *G* )  
  
Anyway, what was so difficult about making a stupid little  
potato dish? ( Ego grinned and cracked his joints as he prepared  
himself, flooding Mamoru's veins with a rush of $0.10 per gallon   
machoistic confidence. )  
  
Mamoru prided himself as a relatively competent cook, having   
had to make his own meals all the time he'd lived in his apartment by   
himself.  
  
" This is going to be a snap, " Mamoru smiled confidently,   
snapping his fingers decisively.  
  
Nervous groaned and tried to say something but was   
unfortunately still gagged.   
  
Famous last words.  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
1999, August 3, 6.35 P.M  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
  
" Whoever Helen was, I hate her ! "   
Mamoru cursed loudly ( and quite fluently, I might add ) , not  
caring for once if any of his neighbours heard him cussing.   
  
The smart, intelligent ( * handsome, romantic, stud-muffin*   
Ego went on for a bit before getting hit again ) final-year Medical   
student was usually not prone to frequent swearing, but this time, he   
felt that he was being given sufficient provokation to justify all and  
any words right then1.   
  
Violent was jumping up and down in frustration and all the   
other Chibi-Mamorus were unable to contain the lightning-flashing,   
steel-tipped rose-throwing Violent.   
  
Dinner was, in an obvious understatement, turning out to be   
a fiasco.   
  
His normally spotless, immaculate kitchen was smoking, the   
white-tiled walls stained dirty grey by the choking black smoke fuming   
from his oven door.   
  
* Cue Obligatory-Bad-Fic-Flashback *   
  
After he'd finally finished the fiendishly difficult casserole  
dish at 6.15, he'd shoved it into his oven and left to soak in a long,   
relaxing hot bath and contemplate the wonderful evening ahead........  
  
Unfortunately, he'd been so exhuasted by all the running around  
and the hot, messy cooking and unwarranted ( hopefully ) worrying about  
the proposal that he'd fallen asleep, floating peacefully in the bathtub.   
  
( All you perverts stop looking so intently ! You are NOT, repeat NOT,  
goning to find a picture of this scene, OK ? Unless of course I decide  
to do some interesting fanart .... )   
  
His useless internal clock had finally woken him up to the   
pungent odour of burnt potatoes, and the sight of his bathroom flooded   
with water that was still gushing out of the taps. After he'd closed the  
taps, drained out some of the water, and yanked on a towel, he'd rushed   
to the kitchen and yanked open the oven door to find the casserole dish   
charred beyond recognition.   
  
All the Chibi-Mamorus were currently advancing towards a now   
conscious and appropriately terrified Common Sense, whom they had   
unanimously decided was the one whose fault the whole fiasco happened.  
  
*WHERE THE *@!$@!@# were you !!!* Violent growled menancingly.  
  
Common Sense gulped. *You KNOW I can't function well with   
Love-Sick and Romance around !! *  
  
*Hey, don't put the blame on US !* Love-Sick and Romance  
simultaneously yelled.   
  
*Shut-up all of you ! Who's gonna pay for all of this ?!! The  
landlord's gonna evict us over this !! And the WATER-BILL !! * Thrify   
moaned despairingly, flailing his tiny arms around.  
  
" Aho-tachi. " was Sarcastic's little comment on the scene.  
  
From that point on, a scuffle between all the chibi-Mamorus was  
inevitable.  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
  
" Great, just great, " Mamoru groaned in frustration, kicking  
his foot on the oven door, then spending the next five minutes hopping   
up and down on one foot while wincing ( very loudly, I might add ) in   
pain. ( Sarcastic rolled his icy blue eyes here. ) His frantic blue   
eyes swung wildly to the clock.   
  
15 minutes. 15 minutes. The ticks sounded unusually loud in   
his confused mind.  
  
He'd told Usagi to arrive at his apartment promptly at seven   
o'clock, no excuses. Now what was he supposed to do ? His kitchen was   
smoking, his bedroom was flooded, his casserole was burnt to a crisp,  
and his chicken was still stone cold because he'd forgotten to put it  
in the oven. Not that it would have done any good, since it would have  
probably gone up in flames like the casserole.  
  
" What else can POSSIBLY go wrong ? " he moaned loudly,   
throwing his arms up in despair.   
  
*DONT'T ASK THAT !!!* All the chibi-Mamorus looked up from   
their scuffle to yell in Too-Late Warnings.  
  
As if to answer his question, the sky suddenly gave an ominous  
rumble, and lightning flashed in a jagged white streak across the black  
clouds before a strong downpour of rain fell.   
  
And Mamoru suddenly recalled that his motorcycle was in the   
garage for fixing, his car had just ran out gas that afternoon, and   
that Usagi absolutely Refused ( note the capital letters here, guys )   
to go out in thunderstorms unless he went personally to fetch her.   
  
" That was a RHETORICAL QUESTION, DAMNIT !!! " Mamoru yelled   
at the sky.   
  
Common Sense sighed, slapping his hand-print embedded forehead.  
  
Violent growled sulkily, shredding his Tuxedo Kamen roses.  
  
Sarcastic was making wise-ass cracks, smirking and nodding as  
if this was what he had expected all along.   
  
Nervous and Self-Doubt gloomly predicted that the evening was  
going to get worse.  
  
Sex-Drive was dreamily fantasizing over what Usagi would be  
wearing on their honeymoon ( hopefully nothing ), still slobbering like  
a dog.  
  
Drama was acting out his badly scripted ( aren't they always? )  
apology speech to Usagi.  
  
Thrify was frantically going over the account-book he kept   
around and calculating how many hours Mamoru would have to work over-  
time in order to clear the amount of money he'd spent.  
  
Romance and Love-sick just groaned.  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Hmmm... now you know why our beloved Mamo-chan is wishy-washy  
and a little ... schizophrenic huh ? Heck, the poor guy's got 5  
identities, it's only NATURAL he develops mutiple split personalites !!   
  
  
Question of the Week : If the cast of SailorMoon were cakes, what sort   
of cakes would they be ? Dear old Mamo-chan here  
would be, in my not-so-humble opinion, be a   
nutcake. With chocolate icing of course. *G*  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  



End file.
